But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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