But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
