so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
