You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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