First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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