just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
