oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
