i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
not ubering you a puppy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
