my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
