You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
