So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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