We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
