i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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