Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
