Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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