onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
