Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
