He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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