God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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