New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize