I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
