You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My bed smells like the plague
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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