My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
