is your mom at the bar?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
