I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
