So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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