The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
