You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
