So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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