woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
