Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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