explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
