shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
