Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize