I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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