Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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