it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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