dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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