I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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