Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
