Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
