We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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