I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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