It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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