Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
