watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
