I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
