I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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