Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
