I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
