i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
