There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
