Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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