so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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