If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
