No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
