Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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