no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
