guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
