I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
