can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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