i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
