I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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