dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize