I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
