How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
